Here we go again, right? That eternal panic when Christmas is… well, let’s say two weeks away, and you have to buy something, but you have zero ideas. Zero! And that feeling where you feel like you know the person, but you also know nothing about them. Haha. Sound familiar? Oh, it sure does…
Actually, as a psychologist, people regularly come to me with this question. Not literally, of course, but what’s behind it is: “Damn, I’m afraid she won’t like it, and I want her to feel like she’s special.” It’s not about the price; it’s about the emotion. And that… that’s exactly the main point. Because, you know, we constantly convince ourselves that a gift has to be expensive. That’s all nonsense. Seriously. I’ve seen a couple break up over diamonds, and another cry with joy over a small, but very personal little thing. So, as an expert (not to brag, but still), I say—forget the rules. Let’s think like a person.
I’ll try to break it down now. Well, not in bullet points, but just, like, human to human. Just some thoughts to help. Maybe something worthwhile will come out of it, or maybe you’ll just be inspired with your own idea. That would already be a victory.
So, where do you even start?
First, you have to remember. What does she actually like? Well, besides you, of course. And besides cats. Try this, in the morning, with your coffee, just go over her hobbies, the conversations you’ve had lately. Remember she mentioned that coffee shop that smells so good? Or how she wants to learn how to dance? That’s it. That’s the key. Not some “100 Gifts” list. That’s just a template.
Listen, there are some things that always, just always, work. Always! They’re called classics. I, for myself, call them “reliable options.” It’s like… a lifesaver. For example:
- Perfume. But! If you’re buying perfume, you have to know exactly which one. Don’t guess. If you don’t know, buy a gift certificate. And don’t be ashamed of it. I’m serious! It’s about care, not about “I know everything myself.”
- Jewelry. Yes, it’s always relevant. But again, what kind? Silver? Gold? Minimalist or massive? It’s important that she can wear it every day, not just for special occasions.
- Some sort of relaxation kit. Oh, this is a total hit. Scented candles, bath bombs, nice bath foam. It’s like… a gift to herself, but from you. You get it?
But what if you want to surprise her?
Oh, this is my favorite part. You have to be creative here. And I don’t mean just “come up with something original.” I mean for it to be personal. Very personal.
A client once came to me, and he was like: “I don’t know what to do! She doesn’t want anything!” And I said: “Think. What does she love to do when no one is watching?” And he remembered that she loves to bake cakes, but says she doesn’t have a “proper mixer.” Well, that was it. He bought her a mixer, and she was as happy as a child. Because it was about her dream, not just a “gift.”
Here’s an example of something that people rarely give for some reason:
- A kit for… well, for something. Maybe for growing crystals, or a kit for making bath bombs. Or a painting kit. This is about shared time, about a new hobby.
- A shared adventure. An emotion instead of a thing. A hot air balloon ride. A pottery masterclass (that’s really cool, trust me). Or just a weekend trip somewhere out of town. It’s an investment in memories. That’s the most valuable thing.
- Personalized jewelry. Not just a ring, but one with a date that’s special to you both. Or a pendant with her initial. It’s not about the price; it’s about the meaning.
Careful! Mistakes to avoid
And now about what you definitely shouldn’t do. And this is more important than what you should do. Seriously.
Never, you hear me, never give a gift that hints at her flaws. For example, a gym membership if she hasn’t said she wants one. Or wrinkle cream. My God, no! That’s not a gift; that’s a “you’re not good enough.” It’s about psychology, not marketing. Or, for example, a food processor if she hates cooking. Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it?
And one more thing. Don’t give money. It’s cliché. It’s like saying, “I don’t know what to get you, so here, take this.” It’s not a gift. It’s like… well, like paying off a debt. I think we can do better.
So. What’s the bottom line?
Honestly, I believe the best gift is one that shows: I’m listening to you, I remember, I’m thinking about you. It’s not about the cost; it’s about the value. And, you know, if you really don’t know what to give, just… ask. Seriously. You can do it jokingly: “Hey, what would you like from Santa?” And she might answer. Or she might not. But the very fact that you’re asking, that you care—that’s already 90% of the success. Isn’t it?
And one more little thing. The packaging. Just wrapping it in newspaper is not an option. Make it look beautiful. And don’t forget the card. Hand-written. Seriously, it adds 100 points to your karma.
But the main thing is… it’s not about gifts. It’s about how Christmas is a time to tell someone: “Thank you for being here. And I value you very, very much.” And it seems to me that’s the best gift of all.
What do you think?
If you found this useful, share it on your social media. Good luck with your choice!
Author: S. Quill, psychologist, blogger.
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